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I did not make it.

For the second time around, I did not make it on my scholarship application for my Master’s degree. I did not meet their requirements of having a GPA better than 2.0. I was hopeful this time that I could make it because I am already enrolled in my first semester. They said lateral applications are more likely a priority. But because the semester is not done yet, I don’t have my MS grades. Since they have also a timetable for the selection of applicants, they based my application on my BS grades, of which I flunked one major subject and my GPA did not reached their minimum requirement, and was also the reason why I was not accepted on my first attempt to apply for the said scholarship.

I don’t have an excuse for my Bachelors degree’s performance. It’s already a past and a part of me. But sometimes, it still haunts me especially at times like this when I needed to apply for a scholarship grant. That feeling that you have already moved on to something from the past but the present doesn’t allow you to totally moved on from that certain mishap of your life.

When I did not make it on my first application, I decided to enroll in the University as a self-paying student. The Lord has greatly provided all my needs despite the high tuition rate, long distance travel, school requirements, time management with my work, and many other constraints I can name if I only focus on the odds of life. This semester the Lord has taught me a lot on trusting Him and on being dependent in Him. He is a great provider and has really blessed me much in many areas of my life.

I must admit it hurts when you prayed for something and the answer is a big NO. But I am thankful of this humbling experience to continue to trust in the Lord and walk with Him in faith. I am definitely crying right now as I am writing this but I know God is able and He sees what is best for me. And I choose to trust Him more and I believe all things work together for good. For now is a best time to completely put everything in His hands. The Lord is gracious and His blessings are limitless. I may not be able to qualify for this scholarship but it is not a basis that God will not provide. His plans are better than my plans.

The more we trust Him, the more He reveals His plans to us. The Lord is worthy to be praised even at times like this. To God be the glory!

Proverbs 19:21
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”

It’s time to get serious!

If not now, when?

Over the years, I continued living a life I thought a life well lived. I am neither pessimistic nor ungrateful as I am writing. Rather, I realized how idle I have been over the span of time.

With all of me, I admit I have not been living a life pleasing in God’s eyes.

I have been self-righteous, self-relying, and self-centered. I have forgotten who I should really be living my life for. Despite an inner voice telling me how a certain situation should be handled, my action does the opposite thing.  It is very frustrating to be remorseful and be on struggle in circles.

Today at church, despite how distracted I was during the sermon, the preacher’s words pierced through the inside of me. What struck me most was when the preacher told us, “The moment we stopped praying is the moment we have stopped trusting God.” It echoed over and over again in my mind. As simple as it is, but I never realized it until today. The plain simple truth is that despite a desire to trust God in everything I am doing, I did not trust Him completely. Action speaks louder than words. I have been in a lot of situation where I have done it on my own way, not His way. Countless are the times I have done things without seeking Him.

I was blinded not being able to see that my actions were not really trusting God anymore.  I do not want to live a life not trusting Him. This is not what God wants in my life, to be away from Him.

I don’t want to continue fooling around with my life. I choose to ask His forgiveness and recommit my life to Jesus. I choose to believe and claim His victory in my life!

Today I have learned a valuable lesson out from a very simple context but with an impact so great that will definitely lead us to a life worth living.

It’s time to get serious!

Where are we investing the life that we have now?

Is it for the future? What future is that then, on earth or eternity?

It’s time to put matters into His hands.

Don’t stop trusting God!

Complete healing of my eyes!

Dear all!

God indeed answers prayers at His BEST and in His TIME.

At times we get discouraged of the things happening to us. God is faithful. He sees our needs and hears our cries. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

June 01, 2011 – I visited my doctor again. Reluctant somewhat because I was really tired going back to the doctor almost every week since near February. It was costly indeed. The moment I went to the doctor that day, I said I’m tired Lord on getting here over and over again.. 😦 But because of encouragement, I continued. As I was sitting down the chair, with my eyes on the device getting check by the doctor. There was a moment of silence. Then the doctor said, It’s gone now. Zero percent! Wow! So amazing…

God is so good. He completely healed my eyes. I am still on drops on low dosage because it’s not advisable to abruptly stop the medicine. Even if the effect of having a uveites, would be wearing eyeglasses, I am glad and thankful to God still, because I know nothing is impossible to Him. Thank you for everyone who has prayed for me.

God is good! 😉 I am healed! Amen..

When you are to choose something

Sometimes you are torn between two choices. Easy if you know what weighs more. But what if you are to choose both would be beneficial to you? What then would you choose?

Today I just made a decision between learning a new thing work related that would really help me a lot and attending a gathering church related that could equip me more spiritually.

I choose to be here in the Symphony for Jesus. Yes, it was really a difficult decision. But, all I could remember that God would always be the first. I had been really preoccupied with my work ever since. My life with God I admit had really been affected.

Now I am turning back. I know God will be with me with this decision. It’s time to make God happy. 🙂

Taken for granted

I’ve met someone five months ago. This someone I have only known through call and text. I’m not the typical person who likes to have text mates and basically meet people whom I only knew in text. But since he was I Christian, I decided to say yes when he ask me that we would meet personally .On the day we first met I found him to be really fond and comfortable to be with. I didn’t really expect for anything beyond that. After we have met, to make the story short, he did fall in love for me. (That is according to him) 😀

The day after we have met, he was assigned for work in a far way place. (Still in Philippines though) As the days go by he still communicates through text messages and call. He told me of his feelings and though overwhelmed by the thought that at last a Christian man is courting me, decided not to hurry things. So we mutually agreed to pray for each other.

He was a man still saving up for his future, undergraduate because of lack of finances and a man who should still support his family because he is the eldest. I did understand his situation. As months pass, the communication process slowly fades. I told myself already to be ready in that part since I just met him and I barely know him yet. What hurts me is that a person can really find ways to communicate if he wants to. I can feel that he only text me or call if he remembers me. And that made me feel taken for granted. What I really feel is that I feel hanging, not sure anymore if I will still continue to hope.

I did not entertain the feeling that I was hurt, I was rather disappointed I guess having the thought that he only remembers me if he wants to. And did decide for a moment he is not worth it. The waiting, the love I’m not even sure of and even decided not to communicate with him anymore without explanation. Last week I received a text message from a friend saying…

“Don’t ever say “I LOVE YOU” when you don’t know how to prove it. Don’t ever say “I MISS YOU” when you don’t know how to communicate. Love doesn’t show in sweet words you say, love will be proven by making an effort to show how the person means to you…”

At first I did consider it to text that message to him but I didn’t. I just decided to post that message in my FB status. Through my pastor, God woke me up. Instead that the message was intended for a person, he revised it this way…

“Don’t ever say “I LOVE YOU LORD” when you don’t know how to prove it. Don’t ever say “I MISS YOU GOD” when you don’t know how to communicate. Love doesn’t show in sweet words you say, love will be proven by making an effort to show how God means to you…”

It’s been days that I was thinking of this realization.

I realized that while I was too busy whining about what happen to me, I myself did that to God. How many times did I say “I LOVE YOU GOD” but keeps on doing things I’m not supposed to do? So often did I say that without having the effort to do His will in my life? To praise and worship Him, to have that quiet moments with Him, and to just simply think of Him in my wandering mind. How many times did I say “I MISS YOU LORD” but didn’t even bother to talk to Him how my day was, or even thank Him for the new day because I was in a hurry for work or just simply forget. Saying sweet words only if I can remember. Missing Him without even bothering to open the Bible to read His Word. Spending time with Him only when we remember and calling His name only when we have need. We as humans dislike when a friend of us who is only there when he/she needs something, right? And a lot of things that I did messed up in my life without seeking God first.

How must have God have felt also? What if He also does what I wanted to do? Wouldn’t that hurt a lot also? I’m so sorry God and thank you for making me realized all these things. To God be the glory! 🙂