I’ve met someone five months ago. This someone I have only known through call and text. I’m not the typical person who likes to have text mates and basically meet people whom I only knew in text. But since he was I Christian, I decided to say yes when he ask me that we would meet personally .On the day we first met I found him to be really fond and comfortable to be with. I didn’t really expect for anything beyond that. After we have met, to make the story short, he did fall in love for me. (That is according to him) 😀
The day after we have met, he was assigned for work in a far way place. (Still in Philippines though) As the days go by he still communicates through text messages and call. He told me of his feelings and though overwhelmed by the thought that at last a Christian man is courting me, decided not to hurry things. So we mutually agreed to pray for each other.
He was a man still saving up for his future, undergraduate because of lack of finances and a man who should still support his family because he is the eldest. I did understand his situation. As months pass, the communication process slowly fades. I told myself already to be ready in that part since I just met him and I barely know him yet. What hurts me is that a person can really find ways to communicate if he wants to. I can feel that he only text me or call if he remembers me. And that made me feel taken for granted. What I really feel is that I feel hanging, not sure anymore if I will still continue to hope.
I did not entertain the feeling that I was hurt, I was rather disappointed I guess having the thought that he only remembers me if he wants to. And did decide for a moment he is not worth it. The waiting, the love I’m not even sure of and even decided not to communicate with him anymore without explanation. Last week I received a text message from a friend saying…
“Don’t ever say “I LOVE YOU” when you don’t know how to prove it. Don’t ever say “I MISS YOU” when you don’t know how to communicate. Love doesn’t show in sweet words you say, love will be proven by making an effort to show how the person means to you…”
At first I did consider it to text that message to him but I didn’t. I just decided to post that message in my FB status. Through my pastor, God woke me up. Instead that the message was intended for a person, he revised it this way…
“Don’t ever say “I LOVE YOU LORD” when you don’t know how to prove it. Don’t ever say “I MISS YOU GOD” when you don’t know how to communicate. Love doesn’t show in sweet words you say, love will be proven by making an effort to show how God means to you…”
It’s been days that I was thinking of this realization.
I realized that while I was too busy whining about what happen to me, I myself did that to God. How many times did I say “I LOVE YOU GOD” but keeps on doing things I’m not supposed to do? So often did I say that without having the effort to do His will in my life? To praise and worship Him, to have that quiet moments with Him, and to just simply think of Him in my wandering mind. How many times did I say “I MISS YOU LORD” but didn’t even bother to talk to Him how my day was, or even thank Him for the new day because I was in a hurry for work or just simply forget. Saying sweet words only if I can remember. Missing Him without even bothering to open the Bible to read His Word. Spending time with Him only when we remember and calling His name only when we have need. We as humans dislike when a friend of us who is only there when he/she needs something, right? And a lot of things that I did messed up in my life without seeking God first.
How must have God have felt also? What if He also does what I wanted to do? Wouldn’t that hurt a lot also? I’m so sorry God and thank you for making me realized all these things. To God be the glory! 🙂